| by Sylvia Landman Rasmussen, Novato, California
 Don Linn presents himself as a quiet male quilter in a woman's world. During meetings - populated almost exclusively by women - he emerges from the Men's Room transformed as Mr. Quilt, Magician Extraordinaire and is anything but low key. Attired in a top hat, tails, gloves, spats, a gold-tipped cane and oversized bow tie, he is an elegant figure. He is a self-taught quilter and a talented comedian. But how much demand is there for a quilting comedian on television?
Don says quilting changed his life. His first quilt invention looks like the oldest crank/butter churn anywhere. Calling it his "Fabricator Machine" he claims it can create any fabric in any color within a minute. Opening the top, he tosses in three full unopened bottles of fabric dye. He adds an old bed sheet, turns the crank once, he lifts the rusty lid and removes a large amount of fat quarters in all colors completely pressed and labeled, tossing them into the audience Gallagher style.
He then promises us more time for dusting, dishes, cooking, ironing and waiting on spouses. Amidst gales of laughter, he produced his second quilting invention - a magic fiber-optic crystal ball and a pink, cloth booth with the words "Mr. Quilt's Quilt-o-Matic." He asks audience members to place their hands on the crystal ball to give it "quilting energy." He then pulls out a beautiful quilt made with depression-era fabrics. After admiring the gorgeous quilted clam shells he quilted using his longarm quilting machine, we learned that the Quilt-o-Matic has a special computer chip that copies old quilts or blocks, reproducing the design already quilted, of course.
At one point during his presentation he suddenly interrupted himself. "Wait, I hear choirs of angels which I often do when they see my quilts." We all listened and heard the choir of our host church next door practicing their Easter Cantata. This, he explained, was especially just for him. The end of Don's presentation went something like this: "Be the envy of all your quilting friends. Create healthy envy and be the first in your guild to order your own Fabricator or Quilt-o-Matic and perhaps you can win my raffle quilt." Ceremoniously, his assistants helped him unroll and display a quilt of Mr. Quilt himself, life-size, dressed just like his living counterpart in 100% polyester fabrics and advanced appliqué techniques.
Continued...
(The rest of this story can be found in your issue of The Quilting Quarterly. Not an NQA member? Click here!)
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